The American Experience
by 8meerkat8
Summary: this story tell what happend when rick takes ardeth on a road trip around america, but they find themselves in some pretty wack situations. and ardeth LIKES twinkies! its pretty funny.expect more chapters.
1. the guy that appears out of nowhere

The American Experience

By 8ardethlover8

Ch.1: the guy that appears out of nowhere

_This story tells of rick and ardeths' road trip_

_around America. They must take a plane of third class quality because evy's saving up for _

_a trip to france, much to ricks' dismay. Their _

_first stop is at ricks' uncle and aunts' farm, where they also meet an unhousebroken dog _

_and a female stalker. I won't give away anything else, so read if you hunger for more…_

_like an american hungers for twinkies…_

In the O'Connel mansion, evy had just been endeavoring in a mark twain novel. Rick was in the other room packing his bags.

"evy, where'd you put my spare pajamas?" he asked from across the hallway.

"in the cubbored on the left." She replied. "oh, and rick, did you get the visa?"

"yes."

"and the tickets?"

"yes."

"and you sent the telegram?"

"yes."

"and everything else? passport? Toothbrush? Haircomb? Camera?"

"yes, yes, everthing's packed. All we're missing is desert boy." He then walked into the dining room, and there was a dark figure sitting at the end of the table. His feet propped up on one of the chairs, eating crumpets out of a box. It was ardeth.

"what tha, how'd you do that!?" rick was confused.

"I simply opened the lid of the box." He said.

"not that! I mean, how'd you..in my dining room…appear.." it seemed he could not find the right words. It seemed as if he appeared out of nowhere, and rick should be used to this by now.

"is something wrong?" asked ardeth.

"I thought you were gonna knock on my door, not, in my dining room eating crumpets!…hey!" he snatched the box away from him. "these are for tea time man." Tempted, he took one and ate it. Alex had appeared.

"cool! Crumpets!" he ran into the room and took the box, but before he could sample one, rick snatched the box back.

"bad boy alex, you forgot to say please."

"come on, dad." Whined Alex.

"no, Alex." Said rick.

"but.."

"no."

"but.."

"nope."

"but.."

"nuh uh."

"but.."

"negatory."

"but.."

"niet." Rick left the room as alex pulled up a chair and pouted.

"is your father giving you trouble?" asked ardeth. Alex did not answer.

"your father is taking me to america."

"so I've heared." Said alex.

"I hear it is a big place." Said Ardeth.

"yeah." Said Alex. He seemed to blankly stare at the table.

"where is that chimmeny sweep?" said Evy.

"at your service gov'ner." Came the chimmeny sweep.

"oh, you're here, this chimmeny needs cleaning."

"you know what I always wanted to do?.." evy didn't seem to care, but he told her anyway. "I want to be in a broadway show, in fact, I've been practicin' me dance moves." He began dancing, but before he could dance any more, evy cut in.

"just get to chimmeny sweeping."

"chimmeny sweepin' steppy time!" he sang and repeated.

"stop it, you're going to get stains in the carpet." Said evy.

"stains-in-the-carpet steppy time! Stains-in-the-carpet steppy time!"

"Rick!"

"Riick, steppy time! Riiick, steppy time!" rick came into the room.

"whats's the chimmeny sweep doin' dancin' in our living room? He'll get stains in the carpet."

"stains-in-the-carpet steppy time! Stains-in-the-carpet steppy.."

"shut up, or you're fired." Rick cut in.

"will do, gov'ner!" said the chimmeny sweep, making his way to the ashy fireplace.

"see, you gotta be direct with these broadway dreamers, or else they'll never listen." Said rick.

"I'll remember that next time." Said evy.

"so you are ready?" asked ardeth. His only luggage was in a bag with a shoulder strap. He liked to pack light.

"why's your luggage so small?" asked rick.

"why's your luggage so big?" ardeth asked sarcastically.

"touche." Said rick. Just then, someone knocked on their door.

"see,_ that's_ how you enter a persons house." Said rick facing mainly toward ardeth. It was

Johnathan, who got a big house of his own cashing in the giant diamond from their last adventure.

"johnathan!? Of course, right before I leave the country, ugh, come in." he opened the door for him.

"I say rick, are you just about to leave to america? Such boorish types. Oh and bring me something nice."

"how about I bring something up you're a--." Said rick.

"why, excuse me!? Did you hear what he said to me!?" his arms were in akimbo style. "how rude." He turned around and nearly took ten feet of air when he saw a dark figure in front of him, who was ardeth of course.

"tell me, do you _like_ scaring me!? Half to death!?" yelled johnathan. "what the h—l's wrong with you!?"

"honestly, it is quite enjoyable." Ardeth answered.

"(scoff), what?..what the?..did you hear?..wha?…(sigh), what has the world come to?.."

"awsome!" said rick. "high-five!"

"what?" ardeth didn't know what a high-five was.

"oh, well you take you're hand like this.." he pulled his arm up by his wrist. "..and you slap my hand like this." He slapped his hand. "see? High-five!"

"now gimme a high-five!" cried rick. Ardeth gave him a high-five. Alex came over to get a high-five also.

"you people are messed-up!" said johnathan.

(expect more chapters. way more chapters...)


	2. To the Airport!

Ch

Ch.2 To the Airport!

"goodbye rick, do be careful." Evy kissed rick. "have fun ardeth." She turned to rick. "now, do you have _everything_?"

"from the size of his baggage, I say he does have everything." Joked ardeth.

"ha ha. Now get in the car." They both got in the car, rick at the steering wheel of course. The car trip to the airport was silent—men aren't good at sharing their feelings—that is, until they got there. Rick looked at his wristwatch.

"it's nine to five, we better hurry our asses up." They made ther way to the counter, with only four people ahead in line. So they waited, until they were next in line. The person at the counter was a lady who seemed pretty young, and spoke with an english accent.

"how may I help you?" said the lady.

"I belive we're taking flight 23." Said rick.

"passport sir." Said the counter lady. Rick's passport carried a mugshot the photographer made. His picture was taken as he was fixing his hair gone awry and talking at the same time. Ardeth's passport ID photo did not look any better either, in fact, it made him appear as though he were a terrorist of some sort. The counter lady typed something into the airport database and handed back their passport ID's and tickets. Then they got checked by airport security, who was a little Irish man short and stout and red haired.

"why hello laddie, I be scannin' ye now" the Irish man greeted as he took out a handheld metal detector. The scanner beeped many times as, for some reason, they were carrying many weapons on them. It did not take too long for the pile to stack up—they're pretty paranoid—and the whole pile of weapons had to be confiscated.

"Not the Thompson!" cried rick, he was of course talking about one of the guns.

"ye know, that be remindin' me o' a time when I was a young lad. Yes, I be shottin' squirrels an' rabbits an such with me shotgun me dad got me. I be skinnin' the fur off ye little creatures an' smashin in ye little skulls and there was times when the blood wo' just be a sprayin' evr' where!" the Irish security man laughed, "me dad be yellin' at me that day! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Rick and Ardeth simply glared at the man with a blank expression on their faces. The security man finally finished laughing.

"aye, you can pass." Said the security man. Rick and Ardeth boarded on to the plane taking off to the United States of America.

yeah, just in case you forgot, they are forced to take a 'third class' flight. This probably will not go well…


	3. worst airplane ride ever!

**Ch.3: worst airplane ride ever!**

Rick and ardeth took their seats in the middle of the row, so they did not even have a window to peer out of. They sat silently as there was bustle and noise surronding the area. A baby cried in the distance, making much noise.

"ugh, get a hold of your brats lady!" rick groaned. Then he felt someone kicking at his seat, so rick turned around to see who was kicking him. It was a little blond haired girl, appeared to be about seven years old.

"little girl, can you _please _stop kicking my seat? Its very annoying." Rick asked the little girl. She said nothing back, so rick turned around and tried to watch the cheesy kung-fu movie being shown on a television monitor far away from him. No sooner than five seconds did the kicking of his chair resume its action. Rick got angry, so he turned in his chair again and this time scolded the little girl.

"look little girl, I dunno who you think you are kicking at my ass, but you better fucking stop it or im gonna ring your little neck and.." rick could not finish threatning the little girl that was previously bothering him, because her mother walked into the aisle and overheared some of what he said.

"excuse me, who are you?" said the blond lady. She seemed angry. Her blond hair tied back, her brown eyebrows slanted downward. "what are you saying to my little girl!? I should report you for attempted assault!"

"bu--she kicked my chair!" yelled rick.

"that's not an excuse for threatning someone, she's just a damn little girl, she doesn't know better!" the woman testified.

"she doesn't know better because her hoe of a mother is too lazy to teach her the difference between right and wrong!" the woman was abhorred by the comment rick just made.

"oh, you did it now.." the woman then socked rick in the face. By this time, airport security got hold of them.

"he cannot get away with this!" the woman yelled. Rick, the lady, and her child, and airport security were in the middle of two columns of seats. "I saw this man cuss out my daughter because she was 'kicking his seat' oh no, you will not get away with this."

"wait, hold on a second! Aren't I allowed to testify!?" yelled rick. And so the argument and questioning went on like this for a while, but ardeth stopped paying attention, for he had problems of his own. Apparently, the guy sitting next to him fell asleep, and won't stop leaning on him. He tried a couple times to push him away, but he only fell back on his shoulder. This time, ardeth shoved him away, making the man wake up.

"Huh? Oh.." grumbled the gray-haired man. He then fell back to sleep, once again landing back to where he started. Ardeth grew impatient, so he simply moved into rick's seat. Everywhere, people laughed amongst themselves or talked of random subjects. Some of the passengers were either coming back to america, or going to visit. To pass the time, he counted his teeth using his tounge. turns out, he has all thirty-two teeth. A red-haired stewardess came by wheeling a cart.

"would anyone like some peanuts?" she asked. she spoke with a southern drawl. A couple people responded. Ardeth didn't want any peanuts, and did not respond to the offer.

"would you like some peanuts, sir?" she asked him. her nametag said Marilou Perkins.

"No thank you." Said Ardeth.

"Oh my, you must be from one of them Arabian countries." she said. "Have you met Alaadin?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you ever made a wish on a lamp, or worship an elephant? Do the women wear lil' red dots on their heads?" she asked several ignorant questions until Ardeth grew tired of it, and interrupted one of her questions.

"Please! Stop talking!" there was a pause, then she responded.

"Well, y'all are a rude bunch arn'cha?" Ardeth gave the woman a look, then she left to attend other people. Rick was released and came back to sit next to Ardeth. he took out a cigarette and lit it. Ardeth would have told him there was no smoking on the plane, but rick could read, he was a grown man, so he didn't bother.

"can you believe this shit?" said rick to ardeth, but he may as well have been talking to himself because ardeth did not answer. a large woman sat next to rick devouring a bucket of kentucky fried chicken, and her companion was a little man with a rat's face (not literally), and spoke a british dialect. rick continued to puff smoke, that is until security arrived.

"sir, there's no smoking prohibited on the plane." one of the security men said.

"excuse me but where does it say that?" rick spoke defiantly.

"right there, sir" he pointed to the brick-red sign above their heads, and inscribed in white letters were the words: 'no smoking'. "you're gonna have to come with us."

"what!? but i didn't do anything!" he put the cigarette out on the arm of the seat. the fact that rick was taken away--again--did not concern ardeth, nor did he find any reason to find it funny, so he sat there. He forgot why he came on this trip and what for, but he figured it would get better once they arrived to their destination. He thought about the time he was strapped to the wing of that airplane, how the wind whipped his face, his new perspective of the desert like Horus in flight. He even thought of the sudden sand storm that crashed their plane, throwing rogh sand into their faces. Now he would rather be tied to the wing of the airplane than sit in here in this crowded, noisy, even smelly row of seats in the sky, even if it mean the pressure of the high altitude just might rip his own face off, it was better than where he was now. Ardeth was bored out of his mind when Rick came back after his second offense.

Now they were eating airline food, or at least Rick was the only one of the duo to even attempt to stomach it. Ardeth ate a couple packs of peanuts and water.

"This airline food is crap." Rick complained, giving his tray a look of disgust, then he turned to Ardeth's direction, " You know, I wouldn't have to put up with this garbage if only Evy would let me board first class, but nooo, now I gotta eat this shit." Rick threw his fork down on the tray to express his dissatisfaction with the form of transportation they were forced to take. Ardeth was only half-listening because he generally did not like taking complaints. "It's tastes like a badly prepared TV dinner." Rick added under his breath. Suddenly the plane shook, knocking rick's tray of salsbury steak, potatoes, and peas straight into his lap. Rick looked down at the mess on his crotch with a deep frown, as if he wasn't dissatisfied enough he trembled with rage, and began to curse uncontrollably. In the midst of Rick's anger, Ardeth sat nonchalantly chewing more peanuts.

"hey, keep it down man, would ya!?" shouted a man in another row behind them. Rick felt like hurling the plastic tray through the guy's face. At any other time , the thought would have made him laugh, but he was angry, so the the thought occurred to him out of anger, and he was not in the mood to laugh. thankfully, he refrained from making this action. Instead, he shouted back at the man:

"shut the fuck up!" He sat down with almost a thud, then he realized his pants were still stained with the "crappy" air food. he went to occupy the restroom, taking with him a pair of spare pants.

The restroom was probably the most confined--and cramped-- space he had ever entered. He thanked himself for not being claustrophobic, but cursed at the size of the room. He attempted to change himself, and even clean the food off his pants, but it was a gargantuan feat in the very limited space. Unintentionally, he banged about every now and then, making alot of noise.

"aaugh!" he grunted. It took time, but he managed to at least change his pants. He sat back down next to Ardeth once again, with a disgruntled expression. This was probably the worst airplane ride ever, he thought.


	4. Welcome to America!

Welcome to America!

_For those of you who really wish to read more of this fic, I sincerly apologize for being such a procrastinator and taking forever on this fic, it must be a pain in your--well, you know...so yeah, please enjoy whatever I've gotten around to writing, I'll try to write more(thats not a promise though)._

The intercom made an announcement that the plane was coming to a landing. The plane came to a screeching stop as it rolled along the runway. Finally, it came to a halt, in Oklahoma, and the intercom came on again:

"You are now free to roam about the country."

"Finally." Mumbled Rick. Rick and Ardeth got up and climbed out of the plane along with a hoard of people.

In a rented car, Rick drove to their destination. It was his uncle's house. It was a little farmhouse, two stories tall. The property was a lot of yellow grass, a barnhouse some distance away, and a private crop in the backyard. Rick parked the car under a tree next to the house. He approached the door with Ardeth just behind, and knocked. An old red-haired lady answered. Then she called out to her husband.

"Larry, there's someone at the door, I think it's for you." The lady's accent was not one that came from Oklahoma, but rather from Boston, Massachussets.

"I'm comin' Dorthy!" He yelled from some distance away. His accent was a southern drawl, which was normal for someone born in Oklahoma. The man appeared at the door in a faded baseball cap and overalls. He looked rather elderly, but not senile.

"Why, if it ain't my nephew, Ricky!"

"Hey!" Rick replied enthusiastically. Then him and his uncle did a little jig, and bumped their bellies together. It was like a handshake.

"Ricky, who's the tall, dark gentleman here?" His aunt Dorthy asked.

"This is Ardeth." Said Rick, introducing him. "Ardeth, this is my uncle Larry Huskins, and my aunt, Dorthy Huskins. Well, shake hands." Ardeth shook their hands, as was the American custom.

"What an interesting name, can I call him Arty?" His aunt asked as they all entered the house. Rick noticed as they entered the house a red--well, more of an orange--haired young lady watching them from the stairs. she wore a white shirt, a plaid skirt, black suspenders attached to her skirt, long white socks, a pair of mary-janes, and pink pom-poms in her short, orange pigtails. she was a rather thin teenager, about eighteen. Black eyeliner eccentuated her blue eyes, and little freckles ran across her button nose.

"Hello?" He half-said, half-asked her.

"Hi Rick, you remember me?" she asked.

"Yeees." he said, with a sort of tone that implied negative feelings. "And?"

"That's all you have to say to me?" she scoffed. "After all this time?"

"Um, yeah?" She scoffed after he replied. He did remember his cousin Cyndi, but he did not know her that well. All he knew was that there was something not right about her. Then she climbed further down the stairs toward something in particular, it appeared.

"Hello," she introduced herself to Ardeth, putting on a more seductuive tone. "If I may ask, what is your name?" Rick came over to where she was.

"Cyndi, this is Ardeth."

"Rick, let the gentleman speak for himself." She said, trying to be polite to the guest she was obviously attracted to. she turned back to Ardeth. "Please, tell me your name good sir. Mine's Cyndi."

"Ardeth." He said simply. Cyndi appeared as though she was about to fall over and faint. Rick simply rolled his eyes at his cousin's immediate infatuation with the tall and dark Ardeth.

"Hey, where'd your parents go?" He asked Cyndi, just realizing that Larry and Dorthy left the living room.

"How should I know? Do I look like a babysitter?" She replied.

"Well, thats a pretty rude thing to say, especially in front of your guest." He said.

"You're technically a guest too."

"Yeah, and I feel so welcome now that you're around." Rick was being sarcastic. Cyndi appeared unsure as to what else to do.

"Why don't we all just sit down? There's plenty of room on the couch." And so they all sat down. Ardeth would have sat down earlier, but he did not want to be rude. They all sat down, and Cyndi turned on the television with a remote. She swithed the channel until she found an episode of Operation Repo. They watched a man yelling about his car being towed when Rick finally said something.

"Why are we watching this?"

"Because, it's awsome." Cyndi countered. "It's freakin' hilarious."

"No, its stupid. It's so fake. You would have to be pretty dumb to believe any of this crap is real."

"You know what, you're being really rude, so do us a favor and shut up." Rick did not say anything back, but instead sat silently for a couple more seconds. Then he reached for the remote and changed the channel. after he did so, the theme song to Dallas began playing immediately.

"Dallas?" Cyndi asked, "You changed Operation Repo to Dallas?"

"Yeah, so? It's a classic."

"It's still lame."

"Well I'm not gonna change it if that's what you're thinking."

"Look, I live here, so give me the damn remote!"

"We are not changing Dallas."

"I don't care about your lame show! I wanna watch Operation Repo!"

"Now wait a minute, we never asked Ardeth if he wants to watch anything."

"I don't watch television." Ardeth said flatly.

"Maybe we shouldn't watch TV. Instead, we should go do something productive!" Cyndi stated proudly as rick skimmed through the TV guide.

"Hey look, Cops is on."

"Ooh! I love that show!" Cyndi exclaimed, forgetting everything she had stated previously. So they watched Cops, except for Ardeth, who excused himself from the living space. He stated he would go to the restroom, but it was only a white lie to sneak out the back door. He wanted to come to America to find adventure, but now his only 'tour guide' was sitting on a couch watching reality TV. He opened the backdoor and found a huge backyard, much like an American farmhouse, not that he was familiar with the expansive crops of corn(or other commercially valuable organic goods), the barnhouse with the brown, tattered boards, the tire swing that lingered by a rope, entwined to an oak tree, and the yellow grass beneath his feet. It was so different from the agricultural patterns of a farmer in his country, at least, the atmosphere made him feel that way, but the best part though, was that he was only beginning to see the heart of America_._

_Well, that took forever, but I hope you'll forgive me. So how do you think it's going so far? Do you think Ardeth will find adventure in America? We'll have to see where this journey will lead our duo, won't we? By the way, isn't it a little strange that Rick changed the channel from Operation Repo to Cops, even though Cops is just as much a reality show as Operation Repo? Maybe he just prefers Cops, huh? _


	5. Corndogs? But I made dinner!

Corndogs? But I Made Dinner!

thinking of what to type...sorry, this might take awhile

* * *

As you might have noticed, I do not update very often anymore. This is because I am not on the computer/internet as often as I used to be (I became weary of both, but I use both only every now and then). If there are any interested authors, I would like for someone to collaborate with me and continue this story (or any story of mine). I'll have to keep in contact though to make sure the plot is how I want it (I have many ideas, but I have no time to put them into the story. I'll have to start compiling notes or something - that's how I usually get ideas down.)


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